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starsficDVD commentaries! Here is a different kind. A kind where I actually talk about the story, but other people do not come along and say funny things. It's sort of a tradeoff.
This is for the first story in the wolf series: Not Evil, Just Mad. (The whole series is linked through Wolves and The Miranda Warning. For a fabulous summary of "Wolves," check out my favorite video ever: I'm Not Always Like This, bypunkpinkpower!)
Not Evil, Just Mad ~ Lothor turns Cam into a wolf. Hunter keeps him under control.
So this story is based on a dream I had. I've written several stories based on dreams. Sometimes people tell me how weird they are, and I'm just like, "Okay." Because seriously, the dream was so much weirder than this.
Wolves: Not Evil, Just Mad
DVD Commentary with *Andrea
...I think the title related to the theme of the dream? It's a silly title even for me, which is saying something, so I'm pretty sure I must have had a reason for using it other than "I couldn't think of anything better." "Not evil, just mad" was probably a dream way of expressing the difference between other people's labels for us and our own self-identification.
Quiet. Disorienting quiet, until he remembered where he was and what had happened. Then it was just quiet again... timeless, and even kind of peaceful. Peace that was interrupted by a growl from the solid warmth curled up beside him. "You think that's funny," Hunter muttered. "But it's not."
You know how in dreams there's no sense of time? Or maybe that's just my dreams; I don't know. But everything's always happening at the same time when I dream, so it was the first day and the next day and Cam getting attacked and Hunter waking up all at the same moment. Plus this seemed like a good way to warn people that the story is a bit out there.
And to think... yesterday, his life had been perfectly normal. He had left work and headed straight for Ninja Ops. It was easy, thoughtless, part of a routine that he had never fully appreciated. After all, he and Blake hadn't exactly led uneventful lives. When he thought about it, which wasn't that often, he figured they were probably a couple of the more unique residents of Blue Bay Harbor.
I love how much Hunter thinks about how he doesn't think about things. It's like constantly telling people how much you don't talk to them, or complaining about how much you complain. YOU THINK, Hunter. I'm sorry to ruin your self-image, but you're a thinker.
"Guys?" He'd called out warily, trying to figure out what was going down. Just one of Cam's annoying experiments? An unexpected power surge that tripped some master breaker somewhere? Or an infiltration by the enemy, another hostage situation, a trap laid out specifically for him?
Oh, yeah, he doesn't think at all.
"Hunter. Shh." Tori's voice, soft and way too close, made him jump. And her whisper was followed by a menacing growl that really made him nervous.
Out of curiosity, what were they doing before Hunter showed up? They're all standing around in the dark with a WOLF. I can only imagine what was happening before Hunter walked in. If they were all there when Cam came running back to Ninja Ops, apparently after fighting Lothor in an attack no one else noticed, who thought of turning out the lights? And if they weren't all there, how many times have they played out the exact same scene that now happens with Hunter?
Lights flared to life around him before he could do more than brace himself. There was a howl, a flash of brown and grey, and something heavy bowled into him. The world tilted crazily as he tried and failed to keep his balance. There were hands on his arms the second he slammed into the ground, pushing him, pulling him away.
Someone is totally onto the lights thing! But who? I want to give them a cookie. Or a smack. I haven't decided yet. They've apparently figured out that light stops Cam, but they haven't gotten as far as realizing that it hurts him. (Not really a big leap, if you ask me, but hey, I'm not staring down a wolf right now, either.)
"Cam," Tori was saying. "Cam, listen to me, Sensei's right. You're not an animal! You're a thinking, feeling... person! You're not Lothor, and you're not what Lothor makes you."
This came up over and over in the dream, the "thinking feeling person" thing. Cam uses that exact phrase again later, and I have no idea why. It definitely isn't a distinction between humans and animals, even though that's how they make it sound. It has something to do with the idea of not being what other people make you, of making yourself instead. Cam can be a wolf and still be him; he doesn't have to let someone else redefine him.
There was a wolf in Ninja Ops. There was a really pissed-off wolf in Ninja Ops, Hunter amended a moment later. And either Tori was delusional, or that wolf was Cam.
I'm pretty sure this isn't the last time Hunter will silently accuse other people of being delusional. He does it to himself as much as to any of them, though, which is probably a good example of the idea that we see other people the same way we see ourselves. Interestingly, despite applying the "delusional" label with alarming frequency, Hunter doesn't seem to write people off for it. It's like it doesn't really mean anything to him, like he just says it as a nod to normalcy and then he listens to whatever they're saying anyway.
Cam's built in alarm system started to wail. It seemed a little late, to Hunter, until the monitor lit up with the location and status of a badly timed alien attack.
No, it still seems a little late. Where was the alarm when Cam was getting turned into a wolf?
And then a fuzzy shape was hurtling at him, a considerable amount of mass slamming into him for the second time as it knocked his morpher loose. He didn't even know how it happened--those things were designed to stay on no matter what--but he was really afraid those had been teeth he felt against his skin. His ears followed the sound as the device clattered away in the darkness, but it wasn't handy by and this was not a good situation.
The whole idea of Rangers losing their morphers fascinates me, since several teams have had morphers that they didn't actually wear--they just magically appeared when the Rangers needed them--and yet they still lost them! Usually, though, the Rangers give them up willingly or can't hold onto them because they lose focus. (I'm including Rangers who *literally* lost their morphers, as in "Oh, I just had it and now I can't find it!" in the latter category.) Rarely is a Ranger's morpher stolen except through their own deliberate inattention.
I guess what I'm saying is, I could totally make an argument for Hunter having allowed his morpher to be taken in this situation.
"I'm fine. Go on and take care of Lothor's latest goon," he told them. "I lost my morpher when he hit me; I'll catch up with you as soon as I find it."
Really? Here is yet another example of Ways The Rangers Let Each Other Save Face! This is something they would do on the show--have one person look for their morpher while everyone else runs off to fight--but it makes no sense! Someone turn the lights on, pick up Hunter's morpher, and throw it to him! How hard is that? I think they must let him do it either A)because they don't want him to think they think he can't find his own morpher, or B)because they think he wants to talk to Cam and/or Sensei alone for some reason?
From the shadows in the direction Cam had vanished, he heard a soft woofing sound.
Cam can see him roll his eyes in the dark and is laughing. If that wasn't clear. Hunter figures out the laughing sound in the hallway later.
The door that opened onto the corridors leading to the zord bay slid open. Not to its normal height, but far enough that something on four legs could squeeze underneath. Which it did. He rolled under after the wolf and came up in a fighting stance, determined to threaten the guy out of his Thunder morpher. The door slammed shut behind him.
I have no idea what's going on here! How is Cam controlling the doors? Are there emergency overrides in the floor? Is Cam so paranoid that one day he was like, "What if there's a fire and I have to crawl through the base on my hands and knees to avoid the smoke!" Does he plan for things like that? And if so why would he waste time rewiring instead of, say, installing a sprinkler system?
"Cam?" he called out uncertainly. With a roar, the damn wolf plastered itself to the front of his body and they went down in a tangle of fur and leather. This time, Hunter couldn't contain himself. "What the fuck are you doing!" he yelled. "I'm sorry you're a wolf, all right! But I'm not your damned punching bag!"
Oh, Hunter. Never change.
It's interesting that this is what makes Cam change back into a human, though. Maybe because it *is* so classically Hunter. Either this is familiar to Cam, so he reacts in a familiar way, or this is an example of why Cam picked Hunter in the first place: because he can only be pushed so far.
The only reply was the sound of clicking toenails as the wolf trotted off down the corridor. Hunter gritted his teeth, pushed himself to his feet, and put out a hand to find the wall. He followed as best he could and painfully slowly in the blackness. Since when was there not even emergency lighting in these hallways? Had Cam overridden those too?
Probably. With his magical floor buttons.
Not that he didn't trust Cam. Well, most of the time he trusted Cam. But wolf-Cam's control seemed to be tenuous at best, and Hunter made it a point to classify people he knew in terms of their potential threat level if they ever snapped. Cam, unfortunately, rated extremely high on that list. Second only to Sensei.
I think Sensei snapped a long time ago. Maybe good to get that out of the way young, since being a guinea pig could drive anyone over the edge. Or so I hear.
Gold eyes appeared on a level with his own not more than two feet in front of him. Hunter jerked to a halt, biting back a curse. "A little warning?" he hissed.
I don't know if it's Hunter's ninja training or his shapeshifting friends or having a guinea pig for a sensei, but he actually seems to deal really well with Cam as a wolf. He talks to him, he pushes him around, he basically continues to interact with him as though he's a human being. To Hunter's occasional regret, I'm sure, but it probably helps Cam clear some of the confusion out of his brain. Biting or no biting.
Keys. It took him a moment, but finally he recognized them. "These are your keys, right?" The electronic keys that Cam used to lock some of the workrooms down here. Or maybe everything could be locked, and Cam just left certain rooms open as a courtesy to the other Rangers. Didn't seem likely, though.
I think the keys are symbolic as much as anything else. I honestly can't imagine why Cam would lock any of the back rooms in Ninja Ops, given that there's a DNA lock on the front door and the mainframe is right on the other side of it. What could possibly be out back that's more important than what's up front? Even the zords are controlled from Cam's station.
A high-pitched howl, soft and more restrained than any other noise the wolf had made so far, made him flinch. That was not a happy sound. And it was weird, but... in that moment, the wolf seemed very much like Cam.
I'm sorry; I think Cam's sad. Conflicted, maybe. Not at peace. I'm sure that's not at all obvious in my Ninja Storm stories.
Wolf-Cam led him to a digital laboratory, and it only took him three tries to figure out which key was the right one and how to use it in the dark. Inside, finally, he found another red light that didn't make the wolf cringe, and his eyes were so adjusted to the dark now that the red light might as well have been daylight.
That's handy. Where are all these red lights coming from? There's a third one in the treatment room later. Is Cam an amateur photographer in his spare time?
This was from the day Lothor attacked the Wind Academy, Hunter realized slowly. Everything in here had played a part, and now seemed to be in various stages of analysis.
Okay, that's creepy. I'm just saying.
They played hot and cold until he pushed the right button.
That seems HIGHLY UNLIKELY to me.
Hunter looked at the wolf beside him, and found it staring back at him intently. "Tori was right?" he guessed. "Lothor did this--" He gestured vaguely at the wolf shape. "Like he did to your father?"
How the hell did he get that! I'm so glad the characters in my stories are smarter than me.
He was starting to recognize the characteristic hunched posture of a wolf about to spring--
I bet.
--but he didn't have time to brace himself before it knocked him back against the nearest hard surface. Which for once wasn't the floor--Hunter found himself pinned to the counter, two large furry paws on his shoulders and a tongue lapping at his face. Cam's tongue.
Okay, I love it when authors are like, "This happened to me just the other week!" because I'm like, yeah, and if we cared about your life... but here's the thing: I don't know if everyone's been around wolves who are hanging out with humans like it's nothing. So in case you haven't, let me just say that this is terribly sweet to see, especially when a wolf jumps on an adult man. It doesn't seem as weird with women and children, maybe because they're not the stereotypical hunters of the tribe or whatever, but when you see a man and a wolf being all affectionate it's enough to make any hippie heart swell.
And then it really was Cam, and the breath was sucked right out of him as a leather-clad samurai pressed up against his chest and kissed him full on the mouth. Hunter tried to push him away and kiss him back at the same time and mostly failed at both.
So the fact that Cam doesn't notice this transition indicates to me that licking and kissing really are the same thing to him. I think this also, like the biting, shows how different Cam is right now. No matter what he looks like, his actions are certainly being influenced by something other than whatever normally influences them.
This isn't to say that the actions he takes aren't his choice. They're just not choices he would normally make. It reminds me a little of Spock in "This Side of Paradise." The Star Trek Compendium has a lovely description of how this episode ends: Kirk makes Spock furious, "freeing him from the spores' effect and imprisoning him once again within himself."
I guess it's kind of like psychiatric medications, or psychoactive drugs, in the sense that sometimes people feel like they're "more themselves" either when they're on the drugs or off of them. Certainly you perceive the world differently, and you make different choices, but does that make you a different person? If it does, is that new person more or less "really you" than the other person?
I do think that becoming a wolf changes Cam's life. I'm not as sure that it changes him. Maybe it does; who knows. I guess it depends on how you define yourself. And that's basically what this story's about: the idea that you get to decide what's you and what isn't, not anyone else. No matter what they do to or for you.
With a strength born of desperation, he managed to throw Cam off of him. "What's wrong with you!" Hunter shouted. "This isn't the damn circus! We've got enough freaks on this team already without us adding to them!"
And this is one of Hunter's most obvious gaffes, where "gaffe" equals "thing he says that's an unintentionally true representation of what he's thinking, because he didn't have time to censor it." Like offhanded thoughts of other people being crazy or delusional, Hunter only thinks of other people as weird because he thinks of himself that way too.
Hunter did the only thing he could. He lifted his fists and landed a solid right hook on Cam's chin. The samurai staggered back a step or two, and the fear gripping Hunter's heart eased a little. Only human, after all.
Which is exactly what Tori wouldn't have done. (Throw a right hook cold! Oh, no, I mean, punch him at all. Right.) Comparisons between Hunter and Tori come up repeatedly in this series, and in all of my Ninja Storm stories--not because I think Hunter and Tori are similar, but because I think Tori and Cam are.
In the wolf stories, Tori's name comes up because she and Cam trust each other more than anyone else on the team. They have the same strengths and the same weaknesses. Unfortunately this means that when he's out of control, she's no help, because if he can't do something then she probably can't either. Cam needs someone who has different strengths.
The wolf heaved a tremendous sigh, letting his head loll back against the floor as his entire body went slack. Slumping against the wall, Hunter muttered, "You and me both, buddy."
It's probably telling that the "buddy" nickname arises from a moment when Hunter is mostly talking to himself, not to Cam directly. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have called Cam "buddy" to his face. After this he continues to use it, though, first to annoy Cam, then to tease him, and finally as an actual name when someone questions him about his new "dog."
"No!" Cam howled, springing to his feet and swinging his arm around again on the hapless cart. This time it lurched away, crashing to a halt against the wall again as more glass shattered and Hunter tried not to flinch. "Me! Not him! Me!"
...There's a lot of glass in that room for a place that's effectively an evidence locker.
Hunter tensed, lifting his own hands in as non-threatening a way as he could manage, but Cam just stood there looking scared. Cautiously, Hunter glanced back at the screen. There was a single question flashing there, an old style DOS prompt that he had seen Cam favor on a couple of his computers.
As intelligent as I think Hunter is, I don't think he knows that much about computers. Or what Cam might do with them.
Recall zords for maintenance? y/n
The zords that were currently the only thing stopping Lothor's goons from wreaking havoc on the city? The zords that could lock their pilots out with a single command from Cam's magic mainframe? He had never thought about what it meant that Cam was able to control the zords when none of the Rangers were inside them. Of course there was an override. There had to be.
I'm not sure what Hunter was basing his earlier threat assessment of Cam on if it wasn't his ability to wreak havoc via the computer system. I mean, it's not like he hasn't fought Cam before. It only took him and Blake--morphed, admittedly--to overpower him. And now all of a sudden he's like, "OMG, Cam could totally shut the zords down and we wouldn't be able to stop him!" Um, yes?
Hunter pushed "n" and "esc" and waited until the computer screen started looking less threatening before he turned back to Cam.
Symbolic handwaving, or Hunter gets lucky in his ignorance? The escape key doesn't even work like that in the command shell! (Don't you love how I pretend I have nothing to do with what gets written?) See above, I suppose.
"You took my morpher for a reason," Hunter reminded him when he looked as resigned as he was going to get. "I'm gonna stay with you until this is over. I'm not gonna let you do anything stupid, okay?"
Too late! Where was Hunter when Cam decided to take on Lothor alone, that's what I want to know.
Cam's gaze dropped a couple of inches, and Hunter's mouth went dry. Just like that, it occurred to him that the staring wasn't a battle for dominance after all.
Although in fairness, Cam's using two different species' non-verbal cues interchangeably. I'm pretty sure this would confuse the hell out of anyone, since most of us have a hard time just picking up one.
"Including that," Hunter quipped, keeping his voice as light as he could. God, would Cam even remember any of this? Maybe he could just--
Wow, there's an ethical quandary. Why does it matter if Cam remembers or not? Is it because Hunter doesn't want to reveal the fact that he wants to kiss Cam when Cam will have every excuse to deny his part in it later, thus causing Hunter heartache and pain? Or is it because he doubts that Cam is really able to consent, and some part of his brain is willing to take advantage of that as long as no one ever finds out?
I'm not trying to attribute dark motives to thoughts Hunter doesn't act on. I just think it's impossible to define the line if you don't know what's on both sides of it.
He heard Blake shouting his name, and he raised his voice without thinking. "In here!"
This is a bit ridiculous, depending on what you think the Ninja Ops base layout is like. Why did Blake and everyone else split up? There's only one corridor out of the main room. But he was the one who found Hunter and Cam in the dream, so I assume maybe the others were searching rooms or bays or something and Blake got bored and wandered off. Or maybe he has a psychic brother sense he didn't want to tell anyone else about; I don't know.
Unfortunately, the large wolf didn't take kindly to someone racing into his territory like they belonged there. Which they did, by the way, if Cam would bother to check his possessiveness at the door. "Back off!" Hunter yelled, when the wolf came at them again. "We're on your side, here!"
Also, if you would stop biting us, that would totally help.
"Bro," Blake said urgently. The wolf was subsiding, reluctantly, hackles still raised, but Blake was looking at Hunter. "You all right?"
"What?" Hunter frowned at him, then followed his gaze to his own arm. "Oh. Right."
I love that Hunter has forgotten that his arm is dripping blood.
This was a wolf that probably looked mad when it was asleep, and it did "menacing as hell" like nobody's business. Even Blake was shifting nervously behind him. Hunter just held out his left arm and offered, "What, you gonna bite this one too? Go ahead. Make my day."
Nothing like calling someone on their obnoxious behavior to make them protest that they weren't doing it at all. Even wolves, apparently.
Everyone but Dustin was waiting in the treatment room when they got there. The place looked eerie and hostile by flashlight, but even in the dimness the wolf retreated to the farthest corner and made itself small. Or maybe that was because of the guinea pig glare Sensei was throwing in his direction.
Oh, not a red light. My bad. I'm sure there's a red light in here later, though, when Cam and Hunter are patching each other up alone. Also, where do they keep the flashlights? There are a couple of episodes in the show where Ninja Ops is powerless, and it's either unlit or lit by candles. Not a flashlight to be seen.
Rabid guinea pig with a very small stick, Hunter thought inconsequentially.
This wasn't intended to sound dirty, if you're curious.
"No one's picking up on the secret tipline," Dustin told them, shrugging a little self-consciously. "They might not be able to tell us anything anyway... like, if Lothor did this, it's probably some really advanced thing no one else would know about, right?"
This whole story cracks me up. The secret tipline?! Dustin and Marah have been working together this whole time? It's always the ones you don't expect. Romana once bemoaned someone's betrayal by saying, "He had such an open, honest face!" And the Doctor was like, "What good is a criminal with a dishonest face?" Or, as Michael Garibaldi would say, "Save me from quiet guys and loners..."
The wolf got to its feet, turned deliberately a hundred and eighty degrees, and lay down again--facing the wall. He lowered his head to his paws and sighed, a sharp exhalation that they could all hear. His shoulders slumped as his tail settled over top of one of his hind legs, the tip drooping against the floor.
I don't know why I always picture him in this scene with his tail over his nose instead. Like a husky. I guess because it's more hiding.
"What, so he should just be allowed to run around loose as long as someone's with him?" Blake demanded. "Look, no offense here, but I'm thinking muzzle, not babysitter."
It's hard for me to tell here whether Blake appears more passionate about this than the others because A)the others actually feel the same way but Blake's got the whole "voicing their concerns" thing covered, B)it's Blake's brother that Cam's mauling, or C)Blake is drawing a sharper line between now-Cam and past-Cam than the others: that is, past-Cam was trustworthy (presumably) and now-Cam is not, for whatever reason (Lothor's influence, demonstrable lack of control, whatever).
"We need Cam," Shane said, speaking up for the first time. "And we can't just lock him up somewhere; he doesn't deserve that. If Hunter's willing to keep an eye on him, I say we let him do it."
Way to be the team leader, Shane! He listens to them argue and then tells them what to do! It's entirely possible that he and Hunter understand each other in a way similar to Tori and Cam's mutual trust: they recognize a kindred spirit, and they know how to anticipate and respect each other's reactions because of it. Shane and Hunter are two of a kind.
Wolf-Cam and Shane don't interact the same way wolf-Cam and Hunter do, though. There could be any number of reasons for this: a lesser degree of trust, a different kind of respect, or possibly the fact that Cam is not totally in love with Shane could explain why wolf-Cam doesn't listen when Shane talks.
So Hunter ended up with a wolf tagalong while he did nothing in particular. The others either weren't finding anything or weren't bothering to keep him informed, and wandering around in semi-darkness had a sort of surreal feel that made him wonder what year it was. Even when Cam was Cam, he was unnerving company, but Hunter got the feeling that he didn't want to face the others again just yet. So they continued to wander.
Welcome back to my dream! If you've read the rest of the series, you know it actually gets weirder from here. Giant birds wait tables at the local wolf hangout, Cam finds out he's an alien, Tori starts turning into a dolphin, and eventually they even rescue the ninja students. AND THEN. The story gets slightly more mature.
If you haven't read the rest of the series but plan to do so, ever, (and because some of my coworkers apparently think my writing is a direct and explicit reflection of my love life) I would like to insert the following disclaimer: I have never had sex with a wolf.
Have a nice day!
This is for the first story in the wolf series: Not Evil, Just Mad. (The whole series is linked through Wolves and The Miranda Warning. For a fabulous summary of "Wolves," check out my favorite video ever: I'm Not Always Like This, by
punkpinkpower!)Not Evil, Just Mad ~ Lothor turns Cam into a wolf. Hunter keeps him under control.
So this story is based on a dream I had. I've written several stories based on dreams. Sometimes people tell me how weird they are, and I'm just like, "Okay." Because seriously, the dream was so much weirder than this.
DVD Commentary with *Andrea
...I think the title related to the theme of the dream? It's a silly title even for me, which is saying something, so I'm pretty sure I must have had a reason for using it other than "I couldn't think of anything better." "Not evil, just mad" was probably a dream way of expressing the difference between other people's labels for us and our own self-identification.
Quiet. Disorienting quiet, until he remembered where he was and what had happened. Then it was just quiet again... timeless, and even kind of peaceful. Peace that was interrupted by a growl from the solid warmth curled up beside him. "You think that's funny," Hunter muttered. "But it's not."
You know how in dreams there's no sense of time? Or maybe that's just my dreams; I don't know. But everything's always happening at the same time when I dream, so it was the first day and the next day and Cam getting attacked and Hunter waking up all at the same moment. Plus this seemed like a good way to warn people that the story is a bit out there.
And to think... yesterday, his life had been perfectly normal. He had left work and headed straight for Ninja Ops. It was easy, thoughtless, part of a routine that he had never fully appreciated. After all, he and Blake hadn't exactly led uneventful lives. When he thought about it, which wasn't that often, he figured they were probably a couple of the more unique residents of Blue Bay Harbor.
I love how much Hunter thinks about how he doesn't think about things. It's like constantly telling people how much you don't talk to them, or complaining about how much you complain. YOU THINK, Hunter. I'm sorry to ruin your self-image, but you're a thinker.
"Guys?" He'd called out warily, trying to figure out what was going down. Just one of Cam's annoying experiments? An unexpected power surge that tripped some master breaker somewhere? Or an infiltration by the enemy, another hostage situation, a trap laid out specifically for him?
Oh, yeah, he doesn't think at all.
"Hunter. Shh." Tori's voice, soft and way too close, made him jump. And her whisper was followed by a menacing growl that really made him nervous.
Out of curiosity, what were they doing before Hunter showed up? They're all standing around in the dark with a WOLF. I can only imagine what was happening before Hunter walked in. If they were all there when Cam came running back to Ninja Ops, apparently after fighting Lothor in an attack no one else noticed, who thought of turning out the lights? And if they weren't all there, how many times have they played out the exact same scene that now happens with Hunter?
Lights flared to life around him before he could do more than brace himself. There was a howl, a flash of brown and grey, and something heavy bowled into him. The world tilted crazily as he tried and failed to keep his balance. There were hands on his arms the second he slammed into the ground, pushing him, pulling him away.
Someone is totally onto the lights thing! But who? I want to give them a cookie. Or a smack. I haven't decided yet. They've apparently figured out that light stops Cam, but they haven't gotten as far as realizing that it hurts him. (Not really a big leap, if you ask me, but hey, I'm not staring down a wolf right now, either.)
"Cam," Tori was saying. "Cam, listen to me, Sensei's right. You're not an animal! You're a thinking, feeling... person! You're not Lothor, and you're not what Lothor makes you."
This came up over and over in the dream, the "thinking feeling person" thing. Cam uses that exact phrase again later, and I have no idea why. It definitely isn't a distinction between humans and animals, even though that's how they make it sound. It has something to do with the idea of not being what other people make you, of making yourself instead. Cam can be a wolf and still be him; he doesn't have to let someone else redefine him.
There was a wolf in Ninja Ops. There was a really pissed-off wolf in Ninja Ops, Hunter amended a moment later. And either Tori was delusional, or that wolf was Cam.
I'm pretty sure this isn't the last time Hunter will silently accuse other people of being delusional. He does it to himself as much as to any of them, though, which is probably a good example of the idea that we see other people the same way we see ourselves. Interestingly, despite applying the "delusional" label with alarming frequency, Hunter doesn't seem to write people off for it. It's like it doesn't really mean anything to him, like he just says it as a nod to normalcy and then he listens to whatever they're saying anyway.
Cam's built in alarm system started to wail. It seemed a little late, to Hunter, until the monitor lit up with the location and status of a badly timed alien attack.
No, it still seems a little late. Where was the alarm when Cam was getting turned into a wolf?
And then a fuzzy shape was hurtling at him, a considerable amount of mass slamming into him for the second time as it knocked his morpher loose. He didn't even know how it happened--those things were designed to stay on no matter what--but he was really afraid those had been teeth he felt against his skin. His ears followed the sound as the device clattered away in the darkness, but it wasn't handy by and this was not a good situation.
The whole idea of Rangers losing their morphers fascinates me, since several teams have had morphers that they didn't actually wear--they just magically appeared when the Rangers needed them--and yet they still lost them! Usually, though, the Rangers give them up willingly or can't hold onto them because they lose focus. (I'm including Rangers who *literally* lost their morphers, as in "Oh, I just had it and now I can't find it!" in the latter category.) Rarely is a Ranger's morpher stolen except through their own deliberate inattention.
I guess what I'm saying is, I could totally make an argument for Hunter having allowed his morpher to be taken in this situation.
"I'm fine. Go on and take care of Lothor's latest goon," he told them. "I lost my morpher when he hit me; I'll catch up with you as soon as I find it."
Really? Here is yet another example of Ways The Rangers Let Each Other Save Face! This is something they would do on the show--have one person look for their morpher while everyone else runs off to fight--but it makes no sense! Someone turn the lights on, pick up Hunter's morpher, and throw it to him! How hard is that? I think they must let him do it either A)because they don't want him to think they think he can't find his own morpher, or B)because they think he wants to talk to Cam and/or Sensei alone for some reason?
From the shadows in the direction Cam had vanished, he heard a soft woofing sound.
Cam can see him roll his eyes in the dark and is laughing. If that wasn't clear. Hunter figures out the laughing sound in the hallway later.
The door that opened onto the corridors leading to the zord bay slid open. Not to its normal height, but far enough that something on four legs could squeeze underneath. Which it did. He rolled under after the wolf and came up in a fighting stance, determined to threaten the guy out of his Thunder morpher. The door slammed shut behind him.
I have no idea what's going on here! How is Cam controlling the doors? Are there emergency overrides in the floor? Is Cam so paranoid that one day he was like, "What if there's a fire and I have to crawl through the base on my hands and knees to avoid the smoke!" Does he plan for things like that? And if so why would he waste time rewiring instead of, say, installing a sprinkler system?
"Cam?" he called out uncertainly. With a roar, the damn wolf plastered itself to the front of his body and they went down in a tangle of fur and leather. This time, Hunter couldn't contain himself. "What the fuck are you doing!" he yelled. "I'm sorry you're a wolf, all right! But I'm not your damned punching bag!"
Oh, Hunter. Never change.
It's interesting that this is what makes Cam change back into a human, though. Maybe because it *is* so classically Hunter. Either this is familiar to Cam, so he reacts in a familiar way, or this is an example of why Cam picked Hunter in the first place: because he can only be pushed so far.
The only reply was the sound of clicking toenails as the wolf trotted off down the corridor. Hunter gritted his teeth, pushed himself to his feet, and put out a hand to find the wall. He followed as best he could and painfully slowly in the blackness. Since when was there not even emergency lighting in these hallways? Had Cam overridden those too?
Probably. With his magical floor buttons.
Not that he didn't trust Cam. Well, most of the time he trusted Cam. But wolf-Cam's control seemed to be tenuous at best, and Hunter made it a point to classify people he knew in terms of their potential threat level if they ever snapped. Cam, unfortunately, rated extremely high on that list. Second only to Sensei.
I think Sensei snapped a long time ago. Maybe good to get that out of the way young, since being a guinea pig could drive anyone over the edge. Or so I hear.
Gold eyes appeared on a level with his own not more than two feet in front of him. Hunter jerked to a halt, biting back a curse. "A little warning?" he hissed.
I don't know if it's Hunter's ninja training or his shapeshifting friends or having a guinea pig for a sensei, but he actually seems to deal really well with Cam as a wolf. He talks to him, he pushes him around, he basically continues to interact with him as though he's a human being. To Hunter's occasional regret, I'm sure, but it probably helps Cam clear some of the confusion out of his brain. Biting or no biting.
Keys. It took him a moment, but finally he recognized them. "These are your keys, right?" The electronic keys that Cam used to lock some of the workrooms down here. Or maybe everything could be locked, and Cam just left certain rooms open as a courtesy to the other Rangers. Didn't seem likely, though.
I think the keys are symbolic as much as anything else. I honestly can't imagine why Cam would lock any of the back rooms in Ninja Ops, given that there's a DNA lock on the front door and the mainframe is right on the other side of it. What could possibly be out back that's more important than what's up front? Even the zords are controlled from Cam's station.
A high-pitched howl, soft and more restrained than any other noise the wolf had made so far, made him flinch. That was not a happy sound. And it was weird, but... in that moment, the wolf seemed very much like Cam.
I'm sorry; I think Cam's sad. Conflicted, maybe. Not at peace. I'm sure that's not at all obvious in my Ninja Storm stories.
Wolf-Cam led him to a digital laboratory, and it only took him three tries to figure out which key was the right one and how to use it in the dark. Inside, finally, he found another red light that didn't make the wolf cringe, and his eyes were so adjusted to the dark now that the red light might as well have been daylight.
That's handy. Where are all these red lights coming from? There's a third one in the treatment room later. Is Cam an amateur photographer in his spare time?
This was from the day Lothor attacked the Wind Academy, Hunter realized slowly. Everything in here had played a part, and now seemed to be in various stages of analysis.
Okay, that's creepy. I'm just saying.
They played hot and cold until he pushed the right button.
That seems HIGHLY UNLIKELY to me.
Hunter looked at the wolf beside him, and found it staring back at him intently. "Tori was right?" he guessed. "Lothor did this--" He gestured vaguely at the wolf shape. "Like he did to your father?"
How the hell did he get that! I'm so glad the characters in my stories are smarter than me.
He was starting to recognize the characteristic hunched posture of a wolf about to spring--
I bet.
--but he didn't have time to brace himself before it knocked him back against the nearest hard surface. Which for once wasn't the floor--Hunter found himself pinned to the counter, two large furry paws on his shoulders and a tongue lapping at his face. Cam's tongue.
Okay, I love it when authors are like, "This happened to me just the other week!" because I'm like, yeah, and if we cared about your life... but here's the thing: I don't know if everyone's been around wolves who are hanging out with humans like it's nothing. So in case you haven't, let me just say that this is terribly sweet to see, especially when a wolf jumps on an adult man. It doesn't seem as weird with women and children, maybe because they're not the stereotypical hunters of the tribe or whatever, but when you see a man and a wolf being all affectionate it's enough to make any hippie heart swell.
And then it really was Cam, and the breath was sucked right out of him as a leather-clad samurai pressed up against his chest and kissed him full on the mouth. Hunter tried to push him away and kiss him back at the same time and mostly failed at both.
So the fact that Cam doesn't notice this transition indicates to me that licking and kissing really are the same thing to him. I think this also, like the biting, shows how different Cam is right now. No matter what he looks like, his actions are certainly being influenced by something other than whatever normally influences them.
This isn't to say that the actions he takes aren't his choice. They're just not choices he would normally make. It reminds me a little of Spock in "This Side of Paradise." The Star Trek Compendium has a lovely description of how this episode ends: Kirk makes Spock furious, "freeing him from the spores' effect and imprisoning him once again within himself."
I guess it's kind of like psychiatric medications, or psychoactive drugs, in the sense that sometimes people feel like they're "more themselves" either when they're on the drugs or off of them. Certainly you perceive the world differently, and you make different choices, but does that make you a different person? If it does, is that new person more or less "really you" than the other person?
I do think that becoming a wolf changes Cam's life. I'm not as sure that it changes him. Maybe it does; who knows. I guess it depends on how you define yourself. And that's basically what this story's about: the idea that you get to decide what's you and what isn't, not anyone else. No matter what they do to or for you.
With a strength born of desperation, he managed to throw Cam off of him. "What's wrong with you!" Hunter shouted. "This isn't the damn circus! We've got enough freaks on this team already without us adding to them!"
And this is one of Hunter's most obvious gaffes, where "gaffe" equals "thing he says that's an unintentionally true representation of what he's thinking, because he didn't have time to censor it." Like offhanded thoughts of other people being crazy or delusional, Hunter only thinks of other people as weird because he thinks of himself that way too.
Hunter did the only thing he could. He lifted his fists and landed a solid right hook on Cam's chin. The samurai staggered back a step or two, and the fear gripping Hunter's heart eased a little. Only human, after all.
Which is exactly what Tori wouldn't have done. (Throw a right hook cold! Oh, no, I mean, punch him at all. Right.) Comparisons between Hunter and Tori come up repeatedly in this series, and in all of my Ninja Storm stories--not because I think Hunter and Tori are similar, but because I think Tori and Cam are.
In the wolf stories, Tori's name comes up because she and Cam trust each other more than anyone else on the team. They have the same strengths and the same weaknesses. Unfortunately this means that when he's out of control, she's no help, because if he can't do something then she probably can't either. Cam needs someone who has different strengths.
The wolf heaved a tremendous sigh, letting his head loll back against the floor as his entire body went slack. Slumping against the wall, Hunter muttered, "You and me both, buddy."
It's probably telling that the "buddy" nickname arises from a moment when Hunter is mostly talking to himself, not to Cam directly. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have called Cam "buddy" to his face. After this he continues to use it, though, first to annoy Cam, then to tease him, and finally as an actual name when someone questions him about his new "dog."
"No!" Cam howled, springing to his feet and swinging his arm around again on the hapless cart. This time it lurched away, crashing to a halt against the wall again as more glass shattered and Hunter tried not to flinch. "Me! Not him! Me!"
...There's a lot of glass in that room for a place that's effectively an evidence locker.
Hunter tensed, lifting his own hands in as non-threatening a way as he could manage, but Cam just stood there looking scared. Cautiously, Hunter glanced back at the screen. There was a single question flashing there, an old style DOS prompt that he had seen Cam favor on a couple of his computers.
As intelligent as I think Hunter is, I don't think he knows that much about computers. Or what Cam might do with them.
Recall zords for maintenance? y/n
The zords that were currently the only thing stopping Lothor's goons from wreaking havoc on the city? The zords that could lock their pilots out with a single command from Cam's magic mainframe? He had never thought about what it meant that Cam was able to control the zords when none of the Rangers were inside them. Of course there was an override. There had to be.
I'm not sure what Hunter was basing his earlier threat assessment of Cam on if it wasn't his ability to wreak havoc via the computer system. I mean, it's not like he hasn't fought Cam before. It only took him and Blake--morphed, admittedly--to overpower him. And now all of a sudden he's like, "OMG, Cam could totally shut the zords down and we wouldn't be able to stop him!" Um, yes?
Hunter pushed "n" and "esc" and waited until the computer screen started looking less threatening before he turned back to Cam.
Symbolic handwaving, or Hunter gets lucky in his ignorance? The escape key doesn't even work like that in the command shell! (Don't you love how I pretend I have nothing to do with what gets written?) See above, I suppose.
"You took my morpher for a reason," Hunter reminded him when he looked as resigned as he was going to get. "I'm gonna stay with you until this is over. I'm not gonna let you do anything stupid, okay?"
Too late! Where was Hunter when Cam decided to take on Lothor alone, that's what I want to know.
Cam's gaze dropped a couple of inches, and Hunter's mouth went dry. Just like that, it occurred to him that the staring wasn't a battle for dominance after all.
Although in fairness, Cam's using two different species' non-verbal cues interchangeably. I'm pretty sure this would confuse the hell out of anyone, since most of us have a hard time just picking up one.
"Including that," Hunter quipped, keeping his voice as light as he could. God, would Cam even remember any of this? Maybe he could just--
Wow, there's an ethical quandary. Why does it matter if Cam remembers or not? Is it because Hunter doesn't want to reveal the fact that he wants to kiss Cam when Cam will have every excuse to deny his part in it later, thus causing Hunter heartache and pain? Or is it because he doubts that Cam is really able to consent, and some part of his brain is willing to take advantage of that as long as no one ever finds out?
I'm not trying to attribute dark motives to thoughts Hunter doesn't act on. I just think it's impossible to define the line if you don't know what's on both sides of it.
He heard Blake shouting his name, and he raised his voice without thinking. "In here!"
This is a bit ridiculous, depending on what you think the Ninja Ops base layout is like. Why did Blake and everyone else split up? There's only one corridor out of the main room. But he was the one who found Hunter and Cam in the dream, so I assume maybe the others were searching rooms or bays or something and Blake got bored and wandered off. Or maybe he has a psychic brother sense he didn't want to tell anyone else about; I don't know.
Unfortunately, the large wolf didn't take kindly to someone racing into his territory like they belonged there. Which they did, by the way, if Cam would bother to check his possessiveness at the door. "Back off!" Hunter yelled, when the wolf came at them again. "We're on your side, here!"
Also, if you would stop biting us, that would totally help.
"Bro," Blake said urgently. The wolf was subsiding, reluctantly, hackles still raised, but Blake was looking at Hunter. "You all right?"
"What?" Hunter frowned at him, then followed his gaze to his own arm. "Oh. Right."
I love that Hunter has forgotten that his arm is dripping blood.
This was a wolf that probably looked mad when it was asleep, and it did "menacing as hell" like nobody's business. Even Blake was shifting nervously behind him. Hunter just held out his left arm and offered, "What, you gonna bite this one too? Go ahead. Make my day."
Nothing like calling someone on their obnoxious behavior to make them protest that they weren't doing it at all. Even wolves, apparently.
Everyone but Dustin was waiting in the treatment room when they got there. The place looked eerie and hostile by flashlight, but even in the dimness the wolf retreated to the farthest corner and made itself small. Or maybe that was because of the guinea pig glare Sensei was throwing in his direction.
Oh, not a red light. My bad. I'm sure there's a red light in here later, though, when Cam and Hunter are patching each other up alone. Also, where do they keep the flashlights? There are a couple of episodes in the show where Ninja Ops is powerless, and it's either unlit or lit by candles. Not a flashlight to be seen.
Rabid guinea pig with a very small stick, Hunter thought inconsequentially.
This wasn't intended to sound dirty, if you're curious.
"No one's picking up on the secret tipline," Dustin told them, shrugging a little self-consciously. "They might not be able to tell us anything anyway... like, if Lothor did this, it's probably some really advanced thing no one else would know about, right?"
This whole story cracks me up. The secret tipline?! Dustin and Marah have been working together this whole time? It's always the ones you don't expect. Romana once bemoaned someone's betrayal by saying, "He had such an open, honest face!" And the Doctor was like, "What good is a criminal with a dishonest face?" Or, as Michael Garibaldi would say, "Save me from quiet guys and loners..."
The wolf got to its feet, turned deliberately a hundred and eighty degrees, and lay down again--facing the wall. He lowered his head to his paws and sighed, a sharp exhalation that they could all hear. His shoulders slumped as his tail settled over top of one of his hind legs, the tip drooping against the floor.
I don't know why I always picture him in this scene with his tail over his nose instead. Like a husky. I guess because it's more hiding.
"What, so he should just be allowed to run around loose as long as someone's with him?" Blake demanded. "Look, no offense here, but I'm thinking muzzle, not babysitter."
It's hard for me to tell here whether Blake appears more passionate about this than the others because A)the others actually feel the same way but Blake's got the whole "voicing their concerns" thing covered, B)it's Blake's brother that Cam's mauling, or C)Blake is drawing a sharper line between now-Cam and past-Cam than the others: that is, past-Cam was trustworthy (presumably) and now-Cam is not, for whatever reason (Lothor's influence, demonstrable lack of control, whatever).
"We need Cam," Shane said, speaking up for the first time. "And we can't just lock him up somewhere; he doesn't deserve that. If Hunter's willing to keep an eye on him, I say we let him do it."
Way to be the team leader, Shane! He listens to them argue and then tells them what to do! It's entirely possible that he and Hunter understand each other in a way similar to Tori and Cam's mutual trust: they recognize a kindred spirit, and they know how to anticipate and respect each other's reactions because of it. Shane and Hunter are two of a kind.
Wolf-Cam and Shane don't interact the same way wolf-Cam and Hunter do, though. There could be any number of reasons for this: a lesser degree of trust, a different kind of respect, or possibly the fact that Cam is not totally in love with Shane could explain why wolf-Cam doesn't listen when Shane talks.
So Hunter ended up with a wolf tagalong while he did nothing in particular. The others either weren't finding anything or weren't bothering to keep him informed, and wandering around in semi-darkness had a sort of surreal feel that made him wonder what year it was. Even when Cam was Cam, he was unnerving company, but Hunter got the feeling that he didn't want to face the others again just yet. So they continued to wander.
Welcome back to my dream! If you've read the rest of the series, you know it actually gets weirder from here. Giant birds wait tables at the local wolf hangout, Cam finds out he's an alien, Tori starts turning into a dolphin, and eventually they even rescue the ninja students. AND THEN. The story gets slightly more mature.
If you haven't read the rest of the series but plan to do so, ever, (and because some of my coworkers apparently think my writing is a direct and explicit reflection of my love life) I would like to insert the following disclaimer: I have never had sex with a wolf.
Have a nice day!
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Date: 2009-08-21 10:26 am (UTC)Hunter's very misleading in your stories. It's taken me a while to catch up to that. Way to go writing an unreliable narrator - he's giving such a vibe of certainty that it's easy to miss everything he's misreporting on.
That it had began as a dream actually makes sense to me, by the way.
Re reading it as Cam::Tori Hunter::Shane . Maybe one of the funny thing about this team is that they've got this mirror book thing going. (Hold two mirrors facing each other, usually at a slight angle - I think it's called a mirror book.) They're reflecting each other and the pattern stretches, and then it bends somehow and it never closes a full circle. Fractal-like.
(Oh! Hunter actually first uses "buddy" at about the time Cam steals his morpher, and Hunter's asking for it back. Discovered it rereading now. And Blake saying "muzzle, not babysitter" echoes Hunter thinking "muzzle, not darkness" at the opening, which could be taken to be author-expression or the two brothers sounding like each other, which is cute.)
Shane and Cam are funny. There's some canon evidence that, when pushed, they'll trust each other first and ask questions later, but most of the time? Pfft.
And now i'm rereading this series. Which isn't really surprising, once I read the first paragraph.