"there's never a second chance to hold on, so hold on" (emerson drive)

[starandrea]

You know how sometimes you just start typing, and word by word it’s as much of a mystery as if you were reading it off the page with everyone else? That’s how I felt about this story. Luckily, marcicat was there to laugh at me, put up with holiday music, and exclaim over how happy Jess and Sam actually looked.

Bingo square #4: "Fantasy & Supernatural, ghosts"
(All prompts from au_bingo ~ custom card.)


Beginning to Look a Lot Like Something

“No! I hate you! What are you doing!”

Sam opened his eyes to find Dean falling into a potted plant, grabbing frantically at the trunk to keep himself upright before taking the entire thing down with him. A young girlish shriek – which for once hadn’t come from his brother – added just the right touch of hilarity. He didn’t mean to laugh. He couldn’t help it.

“Dean.” A voice Sam shouldn’t know wiped the grin right off his face. “Security doesn’t always have better things to do, you know.”

“That wasn’t my fault!” Dean yelped. “He totally started it! Oh my god, Cas, get away from me!”

“I want a slushie too!” the little girl voice cried. “Mom, can I have a slushie?”

“I fail to comprehend why my offer of a dessert makes me to blame for your sudden lack of coordination,” Castiel remarked, sounding genuinely puzzled.

Sam knew that tone, but he knew the other one better, and he was too busy staring at a woman he’d never met to care about how ridiculous his brother and his brother’s angel boyfriend were being right now. Blonde hair and a steely expression made stranger by the little silver snowflakes tucked up against her ears. Her t-shirt said I love California, and the man sitting behind her with his legs outstretched made Sam’s stomach seize.

He tried to get the words out, but his throat wouldn’t work.

“Mom!” Dean complained, every bit as believable as the kid yelling for her own slushie. “Cas is taunting me!”

“I offered you some of my dessert,” Castiel corrected, while Sam could only mouth the word Mom. “Your reaction comes as a complete surprise to me.”

“You dripped your damn sno-cone down my back!” Dean shouted. “What’s wrong with you!”

“You expressed your intent to steal it,” Castiel reminded him. “You didn’t specify the parameters within which you expected to receive it.”

The man behind their mom crossed his ankles and leaned back in his chair, pretending to close his eyes. Sam could see them still open a slit – he knew what to look for; he’d watched their dad feign sleep a hundred times before. “When they come for you boys,” John Winchester drawled, “I’m telling them I never saw you before in my life.”

“I’m telling them to ticket your car,” Mary said. “It’ll be gone before you ever make it back to the parking lot.”

“Mom!” Dean sounded horrified. Genuine horror, unlike anything he’d managed to fake when Cas was, apparently, treating him like the kid he really was. “You can’t threaten my baby!”

“I think Cas can take care of himself,” she told him.

“Ooh, you called your boyfriend a baby,” the little girl Sam still didn’t recognize declared. “He’s gonna be mad at you.”

“Hey.”

The hand on his arm made him yank away, almost falling himself as he stumbled back from –

“Jess?” he blurted out.

Of course it was. Because if there was any way this could get worse, it would. They were probably married. He probably had kids, and he and his parents were gathered at the airport to meet them on, what the hell day was it? Christmas? The kids were probably flying home on Christmas and Dean and Cas had driven out for the holiday because Dean wouldn’t fly –

“Hey,” Jess repeated, all sympathetic smile and secret promise. “Let’s go get some coffee or something.”

“Bring me one too,” someone added, and fuck, was that Jess’ sister?

Jess’ sister had a kid named Meghan, he remembered suddenly. About the right age to be harassing Dean about his language and copying his stupid antics. Oh God.

Gabriel, he thought desperately. Don’t. Please. This isn’t what I meant.

“Chocolate with extra cream?” Jess was saying.

“And no sugar,” her sister agreed. “Thanks. If you find any anti-coffee,” she added, “Meghan’s allowance should cover it.”

“What?” the little girl demanded. “What am I getting? Can I have it now? Please?”

“You’re getting a sno-cone,” Dean told her. “Me too. You got money, Cas?”

“Why am I required to pay for something you’re just going to spill on me?” Cas wanted to know.

“Cas, come on. Would I do that?”

Sam felt Jess take his hand and tug gently. He was too shell-shocked to do anything except follow, but he heard his father ask, “Do we have bail money?” as she pulled him away.

“One night in lockup won’t hurt them,” Mary replied. “It’ll be quieter, at least.”

“They’re cute,” Jess murmured, stepping up against his shoulder as they made their way across the giant observation deck. Their group wasn’t the loudest or the most unruly, but it could be with only a little extra effort on Dean’s part.

“Who?” Sam asked. He had to say something. He had to pretend. He’d promised Gabriel, he’d said yes. He wouldn’t yell for him just because he was freaked out of his mind and two seconds from dousing everyone in sight with holy water.

“Your brother,” Jess said, squeezing his hand. “With Cas. They’re cute together.”

“Yeah,” Sam managed. “Cute” wasn’t the word he would have chosen. “I guess.”

“Are they always like that?” Jess asked. She sounded like she was smiling, but Sam didn’t dare look at her long enough to know for sure. He didn’t really want to look at her at all. Well... he did, which was why he didn’t.

“I don’t know,” he said, and it was the truth. He’d never seen Dean and Castiel together without some inevitable crisis looming over their heads. At best, they sometimes managed to sneak off for pie or beer or something else that Dean deemed absolutely essential, no guests allowed, and then they were back by morning.

“But you’ve met Cas,” Jess insisted. “I mean, you seemed like you knew him when Dean showed up last night?”

It came out too much like a question for Sam’s peace of mind. Maybe it was all a lie, but he couldn’t stand the thought that there was another universe where Dean had to knock on his door in the middle of the night, untold stories in tow and so totally unsure of his welcome. Even if the story was Cas, which Sam had never actually been told about, but everyone had known that before Dean anyway.

“Yeah,” he said, forcing the word out without flinching. “I know him. I just... it’s just – he and Dean aren’t usually...” Happy, he wanted to say, but he couldn’t.

“Quite this silly?” Jess said. She was definitely smiling now. “I guess the holidays bring out the kid in all of us.”

“Yeah,” Sam managed. “I guess they do.”

He told himself that he couldn’t go the rest of the day without looking at his girlfriend. They ordered coffee, which was almost normal, even if it was hard for him to let go of her hand long enough for her to pick up a stirrer. He barely resisted the temptation to ask her about herself: what she was doing, if she liked it, how she’d been since he saw her last.

She was older, there was no doubt about that. He didn’t know what that meant, if she was still at Stanford... if he was. Maybe they’d graduated together. She was wearing an engagement ring, but no wedding band. He thanked God for small favors. Had they set a date? Was Dean going to be his best man? When had Jess cut her hair?

They took the long way back to the observation deck, and he managed to keep his questions to himself as the instinctive panic started to abate. No, it wasn’t real. But it wasn’t dangerous, either. Except to his mental well-being. None of them were going to turn into demons, or zombies, or die in some freak airport accident involving horsemen or possibly the devil. The only thing he had to worry about was losing them to the darkness and dreams when Gabriel came for him.

He had to wonder, though. These weren’t his memories. He’d never seen Jess like this, had never met her sister’s daughter. He’d never known his mom. How much of it was Gabriel making up? How much of it was something Sam hadn’t been able to admit he wanted? How much control did he have over a vision that was at least nominally of his own making?

Brady, he thought. I bet Brady’s going to call now.

His phone vibrated, and his hands clenched instinctively. Jess noticed and her arm, linked through his, squeezed carefully before taking the extra coffee cup so he could fish his phone out of his pocket. It wasn’t Brady’s picture on the screen, though, and he almost turned away. Like he could shield Jess from the reality of her non-existence.

“Gabriel,” he said, trying to keep his voice even.

“Merry Christmas,” Gabriel’s voice replied. “Seen Michael lately?”

“What?” Sam frowned. He was struggling to go from you asshole to the potentially more productive what are you talking about? “Of course I –”

Dean was standing by the stairs. Ghostly wings flashed white and brilliant behind him, like he was standing half in sunlight, and Sam swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he said. “Now that you mention it.”

“Samael will sense him too,” Gabriel said. “I can’t show my face. But if you go with him, I’m dead. I’m dead, Sam. No pressure.”

“You should have left my family alone,” Sam snapped. He hung up before Gabriel could reply.

Jess looked worried. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Is someone in trouble?”

“No,” he said, trying to smile. “No, we’re fine. I’ll catch up with you, okay?”

“Sam.” Jess folded her arms, coffee and all. “Tell me. I can take it.”

“I know.” He didn’t think he knew, but apparently he did, so he was willing to go with it. “I’m gonna be right behind you, okay? You can get it out of me in front of everyone.”

“Promise?” she said, searching his expression. “I will, you know. The first thing I say when I get back is gonna be, ‘Sam got a phone call.’”

“I know,” he repeated. He was careful not to look at Dean again, because whatever angel-ness had hidden Gabriel from security might not be enough to disguise Dean from someone who – kind of? – knew him. “I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Kiss,” she said.

He dropped the phone in his pocket, put his hand on her shoulder, and kissed her as gently as he could. She smiled up at him and he almost kissed her again. He almost hugged her, wrapping her up in his arms as if wishing hard enough would give him something like her to hold onto again. As if he could trust like that again.

“Don’t blame me if Dean comes looking for you,” she called over her shoulder, and he waved to let her know he’d heard.

When he turned around, Dean was right there. Sam drew up short before he’d taken a single step, and Dean smirked. “Weird,” he said, “but sort of funny from the other side. Must be an angel thing.”

“Okay,” Sam said, “I’m getting tired of asking this, but seriously. What’s going on?”

“Lucifer,” Dean said. “Him and Gabriel, not good buddies. I’m working on it. Meantime, Samael’s gonna waste good ol’ Gabe the second I snatch you away. Stay or go, your call.”

“You can get me out of here?” Sam demanded.

“Off and on,” Dean said. “Right now it’s more on than off, but it’s not a get out of jail free card. I’ll lose you in a minute and then it’s up to Gabe again. Cas doesn’t think he can do it.”

“But Gabriel dies if I leave,” Sam said.

Dean’s expression didn’t change. “Looks that way, yeah.”

“I’m staying,” Sam told him. “Tell the others to back off. I don’t think the whole team’s on the same page on this one.”

“I’m trying,” Dean said. “I can’t find Samael. Raphael’s acting weird. Lucifer’s not exactly a known quantity, and I’m not even sure of Anna. There’s only so many of ’em I can turn into rabbits, you know?”

“Great,” Sam said. “Infighting among the most powerful beings on earth. This should go well.”

The corner of Dean’s mouth turned up. “I’ll send you some help. Gotta go,” he added, but at least he had time to say so before he disappeared.

Sam looked around, expecting Gabriel in his place. Instead there was just the airport, as festively decorated as before, and the phone in his pocket was vibrating again. Probably Jess. Or the other Dean, ready to haul him back to –

Brady’s picture was on the phone when he pulled it out.

It wasn’t until he’d lifted it to his ear that he spotted Gabriel, braced against the stair railing and smirking in his direction. “Just kidding,” he said. “You can if you want, though. Control it. I don’t have time to design every detail; you might as well do some of the work.”

“Dean says you pissed off Lucifer,” Sam told him.

Gabriel’s smirk stayed firmly in place. “Time to go.”

The airport vanished.

Comments

[funkyinfishnet.livejournal.com]

So in this are Samael and Lucifer different beings? I'm trying to keep it straight in my head. This is fascinating. Am loving Sam staying to keep Gabriel from dying, and the painful look into what his world could have been like, maybe. Can't wait for more :) xoxo